She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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