just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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