She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
