she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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