See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
