Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So many bounce houses so little time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
