You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
