i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
His hands were made for my vagina.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
