There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
