she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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