What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
