So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
