Don't make out with my wife yet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Alive.
So much puke
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
