so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
