I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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