Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
