friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
