Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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