Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
