I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
