I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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