wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
