What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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