My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Someone signed my nipple.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
