the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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