She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
