Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
