Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
