non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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