You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
