is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
