just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
