That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
