why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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