we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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