Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
