Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
