Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
