I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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