Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
