All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
