I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
