Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
