The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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