My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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