Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
