if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
