Soap is not a condiment
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
