we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
