Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
