You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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