Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
